Evade
by Emrys Emily
Summary: Anger once consuming him, Arthur hit Merlin. Not aware of how clumsy he could be, nor the wet floors, nor the edge of a table. Merlin is injured and Arthur is guilty. Not knowing if he'll ever wake up, Arthur realizes just how much he cares for the boy. Had he crossed a line this time? Has he lost Merlin forever? Will they ever go back to being as close as they were?
1. Come Back to Me

_A/N: A quick fic that I felt like writing. Guilty Arthur caring over a broken Merlin is always my favorite. __Implied Merthur. Annnnndd I'd like to say that when it comes to the human body/injuries/medical stuff I am absolutely clueless. So forgive me if some things aren't medically correct. Kay? Good._

_Set in between series 2 - 3. _

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN MERLIN OR IT'S CHARACTERS (I know, shocking right?)

* * *

**Evade**

* * *

"Father, you wish to see me?" The young Prince approached the King in an orderly manner. He twisted his arms around each other across his chest to keep from fidgeting, wanting to fit the proper stance of the future heir of Camelot.

The man with the crown stood tall, embracing his wealth and power over the court. He gave his son an emotionless glare but his actions spoke control. Although his expression was blank, his eyes looked a blaring fury. Arthur recognized that face anywhere, humiliation. You would be truly invincible if your skin didn't crawl with anxiety at his stare.

"Yes. It is to do with your servant, Merlin."

Arthur's brow rose in confusion, but he didn't take advantage of the time. He needed to move on, he had things to address, knights to train, manservant's to order around. He nodded his head as a gesture to go on.

"I am receiving complaints in regards to the boy not behaving appropriately to his title. It has become aware to me now that he, a simple minded peasant, has no honor in being the Prince's manservant. He treats you with utter lack of respect and he puts you to shame."

_Respect_? Arthur thought. He has had enough 'respect' over the years and to be quite honest, he's grown sick of it. He can't step foot anywhere in Camelot without being reminded of his duty. His future subjects are blinded by Arthur's title to who he is as a person, not a prince. No one is ever real to him, truthful or criticizing, not counting his father. Everyone treats him as Prince Arthur, not just Arthur. Everyone that is not Merlin, however.

While it's true Merlin does pay him respect, he treats him with the sort of respect he deserves, forgetting his title.

"Father, you know I respect your judgement but Merlin has proved himself to be a loyal and trusted-"

"You are fond of this boy, Arthur. I've seen the way you two behave. He is nothing but a servant yet you value his opinion over any nobles." The tone in Uther's voice stayed calm and controlled, which frightened Arthur more than any yelling match.

"He has earned my faith in him." The prince spoke with confidence.

"These people are not your friends Arthur, they are your subjects."

"Why can't they be both?" Arthur raised his hands in frustration as he grew more annoyed at his ridiculing words.

"Camelot needs a King. A King who is not made a fool of by his servant."

"I will not stand by and let you criticize him! Merlin has proved himself a worthy servant, and friend."

Uther snarled at his son. The King grew into anger at his son disobeying his words. No longer would the Prince be mocked by a mere serving boy, and no longer will he be humiliated.

"The other kingdoms think you are a joke, and I can not blame them! It is about time you put your feelings aside and focus on whats right. Now is the time to start behaving as the proper Prince Camelot deserves. And as for your servant, he needs to know where his place is. Otherwise, he'll be made example of to the rest of the kingdom!"

Was he threatening Merlin? No, no. Surely his father wouldn't-

"If _Merlin_ does not act according to his role, then his stupid actions will be punishable by the whip." Uther spoke Merlin's name with such disgust, as if he would catch a disease just by muttering it.

"Father please-"

"I have made myself clear! Tell the fool to sharpen up his act, or I'll do it for him!"

Arthur felt the tension boil up inside of him. There was no point in angering his father further, to the point where Merlin would be flogged.

"Yes father." He spoke as calm as he could, covering a bubbling fury that was eager to escape.

"You are dismissed."

Arthur gestured a bow before spinning on his heel towards the exit. He heaved upon the two wooden doors with great strength, before making his way back to his chambers.

* * *

Merlin's arm grew tired as he relentlessly scrubbed away at the polished floors in the same circling motion he's been using for the past hour or so. He clutched onto the drying, worn out cloth and dipped it in a bucket, restoring it's moisture. Merlin twisted the fabric to free it of excess water, and continued what he hoped would be his last swipe at his master's floor.

He heard the boom of two doors open behind him and felt a breeze of air brush past him. They were then slammed shut with so much force both doors rattled on their hinges before dying down to a small shake.

Merlin glanced up from his reflection painted on the wet floors, and lifted his chin, not surprised to see Arthur striding across the newly washed chambers, wearing dust covered boots. _Great_. Merlin muttered to himself. _Just my luck_.

"Really? Just as I finish polishing, you decide to show up."

Merlin complained to Arthur. He heard no reply whatsoever from his royal pratness. Merlin got another glimpse at his Prince, his eyebrows were knitted together in fury as his lips thinned in utter frustration.

"No, don't worry about Merlin. It's just _Mer_lin after all. Let's just tire him till his bones ache! It's not like he spends hours of working so hard or anything-"

"Will you shut up!" Arthur hissed, eyes darting in his direction.

Merlin felt a rising lump in his throat. It wasn't the same suggestive, playful tone they use in their fits of banter. No, this was something more serious. Something that made Merlin have a bad feeling, but he pressed on anyway.

"Alright." Merlin sighed as he rose from the ground. "What's up with you? The meeting didn't go well I suppose?"

The manservant wiped his wet hands on the side of his pants in an attempt to dry them. Merlin dawdled over to Arthur, taking each step with caution as he placed each foot on the washed floors.

"Arthur what is-" Merlin placed a hand on Arthur's broad shoulder. At his touch Arthur immediately reacted, and knocked his hand clean off.

"It's none of your god damn business! Now go, I wish to be alone." Arthur shot him a glare.

Merlin was not going to give up. Arthur may be his master, but at the very least he was his_ friend._ If not more.

"Since when have I listened to you, Arthur. Now stop being such a prat and talk to me." Merlin tried to reconcile.

"Well it's about time you should listen! I am your Prince, you are my servant. You will show me some respect and leave me be!"

Arthur pointed suggestively at the two towering doors.

"Arthur-"

"That's sire, to you, Merlin. I will not want to repeat myself again. You are dismissed! Go!"

Merlin rolled his eyes, much to Arthur's annoyance. Merlin hastily replied, answering his masters words with a mocking tone.

"Alright whatever,_ sire._ The important thing is that you should not have to face it alone. Stop being so full of yourself and let me help."

Arthur ran his fingers through his hair and frustration, his eyes set on Merlin.

"Did you not hear me the first time! I do NOT want your help. I WANT to be alone! Get it through your thick skull!"

_Stop it you fool!_ He shouted in his head. He was going to get himself flogged. He can't let that happen to Merlin, he won't let that happen.

"Arthur just listen!-"

"Merlin! You are nothing but a servant! You have no power over me! Do as I say and for gods sake get out of my sight!"

Merlin took a huff of air before puffing out his chest. He sure as hell wasn't going to let him have his wish.

"No! I will not go! You may be the 'once and future king' but that doesn't mean I have to listen to-"

This time, Merlin wasn't interrupted by Arthur's words. This time, Merlin was interrupted by Arthur's fist.

His knuckles clenched tightly and hit him square across the jaw, colliding and breaking his skin. The Prince's ring split his lip, opening a cut of blood which trickled down Merlin's chin, highlighting his translucent skin.

The punch was painful in itself, but it was forceful enough to make Merlin stumble back, sliding on two feet against his master's wet floor. Soon his back arched, not aware of the table behind him until it painfully stabbed the back of his head on the way down to crashing on the floor. His heart beat boomed in his ears as blood rushed to his head.

A loud, agonizing ring pierced his ears. His head hurt like hell and the side of his face ached in agony. Merlin's own vision blurred until all he saw where zoomed out shapes. He forced his eyes from drooping into darkness, willing himself away from unconsciousness.

He lifted his head to get a glimpse at Arthur, who's whole body tightened in disbelief.

It all caught up to him now. _Arthur had hit him_. _Arthur_, his most_ loyal friend_, a person he _admired_ knocked him off his feet.

Merlin took a moment to catch his breath, his body still a sprawled heap on the floor. He let out a small gasping cry as he rubbed the back of his wounded. He eyed his finger tips, which were coated with red. Merlin licked his lips, not surprised when he touched the coppery taste of blood with his tongue.

* * *

Arthur pulled his arm back immediately, and stood there, helpless, as Merlin stumbled back by his own hand. His face paled a deathly color as Merlin's head hit hard on the edge of the table. His mind melted into a heap of mess, and he suddenly felt very faint. Arthur's heart thumped against his chest, threatening to burst out of his skin at any second. For a moment the Prince wished it had, so he wouldn't have to witness this painful moment flashing before his eyes.

Arthur's mind is now racing. It tells him to lunge forward and grab Merlin, but his whole body is stiff with shock. It's as if he has lost all will to move. Dizziness crept up on him as Merlin was now scattered on the floor, coughing, aching at every inch he moved. Arthur saw the back of his head, his raven hair now lightly soaked with crimson blood. Merlin's eyes fluttered back and forth, threatening to close.

Arthur felt all the guilt crush his anger immediately. His chest clenched tightly and dropped into the pit of his stomach.

"Oh god Merlin! I didn't mean to- Merlin, oh god!"

Arthur kneeled down beside his manservant, raising a hand to caress and observe his bloodied chin. Merlin tensed up immediately and slid back, terrified of Arthur's hand getting any closer to him. Arthur choked on his own breath when Merlin's once loving blue eyes widened with fear at him.

_What have I done?_

_"_Guards-_"_

_"_Don't, Arth- sire. I am fine._" _The words sputtered out of his mouth, sounding croaky and forced.

Merlin dragged his weakening body off the floor, nearly stumbling over completely once his was up. He moved too fast as dark spots soon clouded his vision. Merlin squinted his eyes shut in agony, clear tears seeped through and trailed down his cheek. A buzzing noise interpreted his head, and he soon felt very flush. Merlin crashed onto his hands and knees, disorientation clouding the pain of the impact.

Arthur felt nausea explode in his stomach. He must of yelled loud enough, as two men with clashing chain mail came ushering in.

Merlin collapsed to the ground and gave into the pulling urge to sink down into the dark, away from consciousness.

* * *

"Merlin, I am sorry."

Arthur whispered as he cradled the lifeless body in his arms, refusing to let the guards carry him. Every so often he would dip his chin down to get a glimpse at his paling face, feeling a shock of guilt stab at his heart. He caught himself eyeing the cut that he placed on Merlin's lower lip, a dry trail of blood painted beneath it. The Prince was two steps ahead of the guards who accompanied him. He felt that every second that passed was a moment closer to Merlin slipping away from him, forever. Arthur shook the thoughts out of his head. He needed to stay focus. For Merlin's sake.

He didn't know why he cared so much, he couldn't put it into words. Merlin is just a servant, his life should mean nothing to him. But it doesn't. He values Merlin's life over his own. He would never admit it, the words never escaped his lips but he cared for Merlin, and by care he meant loved.

And now Merlin may be destined for death, only as a result of Arthur's immense anger.

They soon reached the physicians door. Arthur scurried in without permission and raced past a startled Gaius. He placed Merlin gently on the unoccupied bed, watching as his limp body bounce slightly as it rested upon the thin mattress.

"Sire-"

"He needs attention now Gaius!" Arthur's voice pained with fear, he was on the verge of breaking down at this moment.

He knew a man could _die_ had his head been hit in the right spot. _He wasn't about to let that happen to Merlin._

Arthur dismissed both the guards as they irritatingly stood there taking up unnecessary space. He was at the physician's aid, as he examined Merlin's face. The man's eyebrow raised to the roof.

"There seems to be a bruising on his jaw and a scarred lip. There is no fever however, so that doesn't explain his unconsciousness-"

"His head." Arthur interrupted, indicating to the back of his own.

Gaius gestured Arthur to help him move Merlin onto his stomach. Arthur pushed his arms underneath Merlin's back, and carefully tossed him over. He felt his own stomach twist in an infinite amount of knots as he saw the once clean pillow stained with spots of Merlin's blood. Gaius's jaw dropped. He turned and walked as fast as his old body could take him to retrieve a cloth.

"Sire, could you please inform a servant to aid me? I cannot do this alone."

Arthur shook his head at the idea. "Tell me what you need to be done."

"That won't be necessary-"

"Gaius I need to help." His own voice cracked.

The aged man nodded his head in defeat. He extended his arm towards Arthur, giving him the fresh cloth.

"Press this against the wound."

Arthur nodded in reply. He gulped before pressing his palm to the back of Merlin's head. He felt uneasy as pooling blood soaked through the cloth. Arthur applied pressure to the spot as he was told to by Gaius. The time for questions would come after he was completely satisfied with Merlin's health.

The experienced physician knew what he was doing, and he kept an unreadable, calm face. Although Arthur knew well enough the man must be sickened and concerned at seeing his ward like this. The bond they shared was like father and son.

Half an hour had passed and Arthur now pressed a third cloth to Merlin's head. All the others were drenched in blood. It still brought a sickening feeling to his gut at seeing the white cotton dampen.

Meanwhile Gaius hurried around his small working space, mixing and crushing different substances. Soon he finished, and poured the remaining liquid into a bottle. Arthur was instructed to place a bandage on Merlin's head before turning him over onto his back. His insides wrenched. Merlin looked even paler. Gaius tipped the foul smelling potion into Merlin's parted lips. Arthur watched with cautious eyes as Merlin coughed, his chest rising furiously. He went to his side.

"Merlin?" He questioned.

"I'm afraid it will be a while before he regains consciousness sire. At least a few hours."

Arthur tipped his head in acknowledgement before sinking down into a nearby chair. He couldn't bear to stand with the weight of his guilt heaving on his shoulders.

"Sire, what happened to Merlin?" Gaius asked.

Arthur froze at the incoming memory, it sent a chilled yet hot flush through him. He never meant for his anger to be lashed out on Merlin, but whenever the manservant spoke out against him it reminded the Prince of the torture he'd receive if he were to display it again. Arthur swallowed before speaking.

"I hit him." Arthur muttered through a clenching throat. He lowered his eyes to avoid contact with the physician.

"You-?" Gaius questioned, terrifyingly confused.

"I hit him, alright!" Arthur admitted. He brought a hand up to his head. "I- I had come back from a meeting with my father and it angered me. I returned to my chambers and, and Merlin wouldn't leave me be so I just- I was caught in the moment and I never meant to-" Arthur sighed before trying again.

"Then he toppled back and hit his head on my table and fell. I tried to grab him but I was just...well I don't know-"

"Shocked?" Gaius questioned.

Arthur bit his lip to hide his wavering lips.

"Sire, I understand. It is alright."

"No it's not Gaius! I- I hit him! And look at Merlin! He might...he might die! I can't let him die."

Arthur paused before uttering more words. "Please tell me he will be alright?"

Gaius hesitated to answer, but then came up with the right words. "I can not be certain, my lord. It was a heavy blow he took to his head. We will have to wait, and hope."

Arthur rose from his chair as the door swung open. A knight came in unannounced. He was startled, not expecting to see the Prince there. He bowed before him.

"The King requests your presence."

Arthur shot a worried glance at Merlin, not wanting to leave him in this state. He felt bound to the floor, unable to leave through the door. He couldn't just leave Merlin.

"Tell my father I am unavailable at this hour."

"My apologies, sire. The message was directed towards the Court Physician."

Arthur felt a strange relief at hearing those words as he would not have to leave. But at the same time a panicked motion, who was going to look after Merlin?

Gaius agreed, muttering something about being a few minutes. The knight, happy with his response turned around and left.

"Is Merlin going to be alright?" Arthur questioned him.

"I've done all I can for him at the moment, all we can do is wait for him to regain consciousness. I'll assign a servant to stay with him."

Once again, Arthur disagreed with letting anyone else tend to the boy.

"I'll stay, just tell me what needs to be done."

Gaius was not surprised, the two men did share a special kind of bond. So he bothered not to argue the Prince's request. Gaius recited a few things for Arthur to do as well as a list of signs he should be aware of.

Arthur could handle this. It was easy. He has observed the physician take care of someone a countless amount of times.

He pulled up a chair, closer to Merlin and sat. He watched every little detail of his unconscious servant.

He saw the small rise of his chest heave and slight air gaping through his lips. Arthur brushed back Merlin's fringe, freeing his forehead of hair.

It was painful to touch Merlin. Painful enough to know he might never see those pooling blue eyes again. His quirky smile. Even his voice. It was all once there, now it might be gone for good. Because of him.

Arthur shook his head back to reality. It wasn't time to feel guilty, that came later. Now was the time to make sure Merlin came back to him.

"_Please come back to me._"


	2. The Prince's Desire

_A/N: I'm really amazed at the response this fic got. Thanks to the reviewers, followers and people who favorite! I shall respond to your reviews at the end of this fic! _

_Well, here it is a quick update!_

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** Chapter 2: The Prince's Desire**

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_"Please come back to me" _

* * *

Hours passed.

Gaius was still out, doing whatever it was his father inquired him to do. Although Arthur was sure Gaius would be here taking care of Merlin, had it not been important. But the possibility that the physician was forced upon this task by the King had crossed his mind. Arthur didn't want to believe his father had been able to accomplish the cruelness, the odds were against him though after this mornings meeting. A shiver ran down his spine every time at the memory.

There had been countless minutes where Arthur would be observing Merlin, who still laid unconscious. He was not able to leave through his manservant's door, he just couldn't separate himself from him. He sighed, fidgeting with his hair in frustration. Another second that went by when Merlin was not awake was another second clawing at the Prince's mind. Another painful stab of guilt every time.

Arthur pulled his eyes away from Merlin and at his nearby water-skin. Thirsty, he screw open the lid and let the refreshing liquid pour down his throat. He gasped for breaths and wiped his mouth clean after the swig of water.

Then he found himself feeling pity for Merlin. Arthur should try to hydrate his body, no doubt would Merlin not be craving water.

The Prince held his manservant upright and emptied the remaining contents of the skin into his parted mouth. Merlin coughed as the water tickled his insides. Arthur flinched at the boys sudden movement, thus spilling some excess water down Merlin's stomach. Arthur cursed himself before walking through the clutter of objects to Merlin's cupboard.

He picked out a dry tunic, in case his manservant were to freeze to death that night, another injury the Prince would be responsible for. It was unbelievably cold in his chambers and it pricked Arthur's skin.

He threw Merlin's arms up before tugging his shirt over his head, ruffling the boys hair. Arthur chucked his shirt over his shoulder before something caught his eye.

A dark, purple red scar was marked out on his pale chest. It looked swollen and new, yet somehow it healed around the blemish. It sickened Arthur's stomach at the unbelievable pain it would of brought Merlin. It represented a burn, but not quite. It was an unnatural scarring.

How did a manservant like Merlin gain this wound?

All the privacy suddenly made sense. Merlin refused to dress around Arthur and the knights had they been out. But why would he try to hide it?

Why would he hide it from him?

Arthur shook the possibilities free from his mind, knowing it not well to dwell on these thoughts and wrapped Merlin in the new tunic. Satisfied with Merlin's well being, he slumped back into the chair.

Gaius never returned that evening, and Arthur's eye lids grew heavy. He lounged on a chair and his head rested on his shoulders. After previous efforts of forcing himself awake, the urge to drift away increased.

Arthur moaned a yawn, which watered his glassy eyes. He rubbed at them until dancing spots came upon his vision. He gave one last glance at Merlin, who had not woken up.

He let his eyelids close, at peace as the darkness surrounded him. Or so he thought. Mentions of Merlin were at every corner in his dreams. Only nightmares remained, leaving him tossing his head about.

* * *

"Sire?"

Arthur blinked his eyes open, taking in the scene around him until his vision blurred.

He saw Gaius, hovering above him and Merlin. Arthur rubbed his eyes, before sending the physician a puzzling look.

"Gaius. Where have you been?"

"I apologize sire, the King had a fever I needed to attend to. Then a woman was delivering a difficult birth I needed to aid with."

Arthur nodded his head in understanding. The night sky still shown through the window, it wouldn't be sunrise for two hours at least. He focused his eyes on Merlin, who unbelievably had looked even paler than a few hours ago. His face was a ghostly white while his eyelids were heavy black.

"Merlin. He looks..."

"Worse?" Gaius suggested. "I've just given him a treatment. It should ease the infection."

"Infection?" Arthur rose from his chair. "There was no infection before?"

Gaius shook his head. "No there was not. Only recently has it spread."

Arthur gulped. "How...bad?"

Gaius hesitated to answer, he lowered his gaze from the Prince and fumbled with his fingers.

"Gaius."

The old man sighed, before twitching his eyes. His lips wavered and eyebrows were dropped in disbelief.

"I fear...there is a slim chance he'll wake again, sire."

Those last words stabbed Arthur. He felt his whole world crashing around him.

"I'll do whatever I can, but if the time comes we must prepare ourselves." Gaius stayed awfully calm while Arthur's stomach and heart twisted.

At this point, Arthur was fighting back tears. Refusing to do such thing in front of the physician, he stormed out of the room and through the halls. Letting his feet direct him while his mind blurred. His hands shook and heart raced. A single tear rolled down his cheek but his expression remained angry.

Arthur arrived in his chambers. It felt so empty with out Merlin here, preparing him for bed. Yet again it felt so painful to relive the memories. He hit the wall in frustration, ignoring the throbbing pain it brought to his hand.

He glanced over at the table Merlin jabbed his head on. How he hated that table now, even if it was just an object. Arthur sent it a scowl. He refused to change, feeling unable to sleep anyway since he had woken up. He thew of his boots and lunged into his bed, arms spread wide.

Arthur stared up at the ceiling, letting his mind run wild. Countless attempts of falling asleep had failed, so he lunged out of his bed and pressed his bare feet on the prickling stone floor. He shuddered at the harsh weather, but soon grew used to it.

Arthur heaved upon the wooden doors and traveled through the many corridors the castle possessed before reaching his destination. The Prince loved coming here when life was turning tough. He positioned himself on a balcony with a view of his soon to be kingdom. The fresh air would usually of cleared his mind, and wash away his stress. Arthur breathed in the minty air, refreshing his lungs.

It had not done well. Merlin still remained hitched in his mind. How his blue eyes looked into his with trust and care. Arthur shattered that innocence as soon as his knuckles reached the boy's face. Merlin cared for him, as a friend. Arthur had not felt the exact same way as Merlin. Yes, it was true he cared about him, but in a completely different matter he would never discuss outside his head.

The Prince had never admitted it in the open, let alone himself. He feared the way he truly felt about him, but those deep dark secrets of his were coming to light. Arthur sighed, rubbing his eyes with his palm.

Then that's when he noticed it. A spot of blood was painted on his ring, the same ring he used to hit Merlin with earlier. When he, Arthur, hit him, Merlin, and caused his fatal accident. Him. He did it. He broke his manservant. He broke Merlin.

Arthur knitted his brows in fury and struggled to free his finger of the ring. He glared at it, cursed at it before throwing the piece over the edge, never to be seen again.

Then Gaius's words crushed him again._ "There is a slim chance he will ever wake again." _He broke out a cry, yelling out his anger, guilt, sadness and utter pain.

* * *

_Next Chapter: Awakening _


	3. The Awakening

_A/N: You asked for more, so I delivered. I decided to upload this now because I'm going to lose my laptop for a while so I'll have to type via iPad. -_-_

**_IT's A BIRD, IT'S A PLANE, NO, IT'S A REALLY LONG AUTHORS NOTE AND QUICK UPDATE FLYING THROUGH CYBERSPACE!_**

_Things will get better, I promise you. I solemly swear I'm not the BBC, I won't kill everyone you love..._

_Annyway. In this chapter I just wanted to show how much Arthur needs his other half. Two sides of the same coin, one can not be with out the other. So **he really could not live with out Merlin without losing himself.** I wanted to show how much torment it brings to Arthur (once again, I'm not the BBC no matter how similar , how much he really does care for those pair of blue eyes and cheekbones._

_So yeah he's going through the stages of grief. Actually not really, he's stuck on denial, anger, bargaining and shock. I don't think he'd ever reach acceptance. (Like I will never reach acceptance with the death of our once and future king...HES NOT DEAD!) _

_*awkward silence* Uhm...continue._

_May I remind you** this is not a death fic**...I suck at those. There will be plenty of time for Merls and Arthur to sort out their problems as I promised, **hurt and comfort, afraid Merlin and tons of guilty Arthur.**_

_Psssst.. a hint... the title...'The Awakening'. *winks* _

_*Ahem* Anyway. Let me give you what you came here for._

* * *

**Chapter 3: The Awakening **

* * *

Nothing could ever sustain the raging pulse in his blood more than_ this_.

He watched the wavering flames, flickering and burning the logs into nothing more than silver-black puffs of ash. The lights of the fire jolted about the rime, scaring away any shadows. The warmth and light basked over his skin and flared his emotions. He let his mind wander deeper through the lashing fire as if all life's answers lay beneath the untamable flames. The cracking sparks illuminated the small dark room, and roared along with the wind. His face lit up an orange shade in it's light, and tears begun forming as the fumes hit his eyes. The smoke infuriated his senses.

With every hot ember that bounced on him, nothing stung worse than_ this_.

Four days had passed. Four whole days of no Merlin. Four whole days since he hit him.

He felt his remorse swallow and chew him until there was nothing left but a bitter taste. He was losing himself with every last breath Merlin took. Every drawing breath he stuttered turned into a raspy cough. He felt his emotions stir and boil him up inside. Nothing calmed him anymore, nothing ever would.

Flashes of blinding light and images haunted his dreams. Every alternative where he had caused his soul mates death.

Hatred for himself consumed him now. Hatred for that foolish moment. Hatred was flickering inside and out as he never left Merlin's side. He surveyed him day and night, pleading for him to see those blue eyes again.

Word was sent out to Hunith, although they never got a reply. Gaius was prepared for the worst, villagers had payed their respects and even Guinevere said her goodbyes. But Arthur never brought himself to muttering those words. Those few simple words. He couldn't. He couldn't bear to lose him. He would never lose him. He won't accept that he has lost Merlin. Never.

Arthur clasped Merlin's hand tight in his own, feeling his warmth rub off on him. It sent Arthur's skin prickling with nerves, but comfort. It felt right.

"You know Merlin, you don't have to come back. They are plenty of other servants out there. You're not just the only one you know." Arthur mocked.

Through tears he smiled, hoping Merlin would return and smile his famous toothy grin right back at him. But Merlin's lips remained sealed, part for the few inches they spread, room for air. But soon his lips wavered and his own smirk failed him and he broke out into a desperate tone.

"Merlin, you need to come back. Please come back, come back to me. I can't lose you. I can't!" Arthur didn't bother wiping away those few salty drops staining his cheek and continued rambling on. "All those jokes about us not being friends where lies, I care about you Merlin. More than anyone. I need you to come back. I don't know what I'll do without you."

He paused, taking in a few short breaths to refuel his words.

"Guinevere and Gaius are saying goodbye, but they're wrong! You'll come back, I know you will. Just like every other time. I need you Merlin! Damn I need you so much! I can't live with out you. Please Merlin." Arthur stuttered and his bottom lip throbbed. He bowed his head down and brought his and Merlin's joined hands to his head. His shoulders shuddered, in rhythm with his sorrow. He muffled his sobbing into his palms, desperate cries broke free of him, alerting Gaius.

Merlin didn't move. He lied deadly still as every other night. Only slight risings of his chest were moving, every other inch of him was frozen.

He was a disgrace for have doing this to him. Merlin believed in him, when no one else would. His manservant saw parts in him he himself hadn't thought to be true. He guided him on his way.

_Arthur had gone and single handily destroyed the only thing that mattered to him. Now he might never see him again. _

"Sire, it is time to say goodbye." Gaius spoke up.

The old man looked terrible. The wrinkles sketched on his face looked ten times heavier and his eyes were drained of any life and replaced with disorientation and depression. His hair was raspy and looked nothing more like straw. Mourning was a terrible phase, and the physician was like a father to Merlin.

Gaius would never of had to lose a son like figure to him, if Arthur had never caused this.

How many more lives was he going to destroy?

"I can't." Arthur whined. He couldn't let Merlin go.

"It is for the best. Merlin wouldn't want you to be like this."

"Merlin wouldn't be here in the first place if it wasn't for me!" Arthur lost his temper, now his eyes were gushing red.

"You cannot blame yourself Arthur."

"I am to blame! It was all my fault! It's all my fault." He swallowed. The tears where hot against his face, perfectly portraying the raw emotion eager to escape. "I am losing him. And it's all my fault." Arthur cracked. He sent a heartbroken glare at the physician, who stood uncomfortably still.

Arthur couldn't bear this anymore. He skidded across the room and out through the mans door. He passed an entering Gwen, who broke any previous eye contact with the Prince. She had been avoiding him these past few days, unable to see Arthur after what happened to Merlin.

Although yesterday she was instructed to talk to Arthur, telling him to forgive himself and forget. That's what Merlin would of wanted.

_"You're talking like he's already dead!" Arthur cried out. _

_"He hasn't much time left Arthur, it is time for us, his friends, to say our last words and move on." _

_"How! How am I supposed to live with out him! I can barely live with myself."_

_"You must." _

_"I can't! Can't you see that! I'm losing my other half." Arthur quietened down. "He is my other half." _

_"It is life, Arthur. Merlin wouldn't want this for you. Camelot needs their Prince to be strong. You need to prove to them you are worthy to be their leader! In dark times like these, you must keep pushing on." _

_"Now you are beginning to sound just like my father!" Arthur snarled at Gwen. She hurried off, tears with her eyes while Arthur blared with grief. _

They haven't spoken since, still unsure of where they stand.

* * *

"Arthur." Uther addressed his son. "I have heard of what happened to Merlin."

Arthur lifted his head. His face was hollow, his heart was sunken and his head was a raging pulse of thoughts.

"What of it." The Prince bit. Uther ignored this act of disrespect and continued on with the matter.

"When I told you to sharpen up his act, I never meant for you to send the boy to his deathbed!"

Uther spoke out against his son. His jaw was clenched tightly and his hands were locked on his belt. Arthur glared at him with bloodshot eyes. Dark shades of purple were circled and bagged underneath, stating he hadn't had any sleep. His burnt golden hair was a tangled clump. All in all, he looked terrible.

He hadn't replied to his father. He had no interest to either. Pure hatred severed through his veins, lashing out at anyone who tried talking to him about Merlin. The servants, Gwen and even Gaius were all terrified of Arthur at this point. It was scary seeing Arthur so dark and wasn't the same.

"Arthur, you cannot simply kill servants and expect to get away with it without consequences! The court is getting involved."

That sentence angered him further than he thought possible. His father didn't even have the heart to feel pity for Merlin, who now laid on his death bed. No, all he cared about was what this made his son look like. His pride was more important than the well beings of any servant, no matter how loyal they may be.

"Merlin is a good man." Arthur finally spoke. "Can you at least show some gratitude or sympathy towards him for heavens sake! He has always been loyal and now he is...injured! Forget titles. They mean nothing. Nobility stands on where our hearts lie!"

Uther looked shock at his sons fury, but dared for the challenge nonetheless. Before Arthur could grant him said wish of an argument, he excused himself from the halls and without a glance back he exited, ignoring all demands for him to come back at once.

He led himself outside, inhaling a fresh new scope of air, attempting to cool down the bubbling anger. He slid back down. Feeling so helpless, so lost, so confused, so much...

...Anger. He felt it overcome all means of mercy. Arthur felt it all wash over him. He wanted to shout until his throat ran dry. He wanted to knock down everything in his way. He wanted to cry until there where nothing left but worn out eyes, like he doesn't know how to do anything else...

Most of all...he wanted Merlin.

Arthur dragged himself away from the sobbing mess he was and into training, hoping to let some steam out with a few knocks.

* * *

Training with the knights didn't go well.

They all held back with fear in their eyes at their Prince. He lashed powerful blows against the other knights, nearly forcing them into a coma. Fighting was a stress reliever for Arthur, but somehow this seemed to anger him more. He shook his head. Everything angered him more these days.

Arthur pummeled the shields, taking all his frustration out on his 'lucky' opponent. Sweat beads clung to his hair and his brows were tangled with one another in fury. He thrust his sword into the dirt and ripped his chain mail off, leaving it in a scattered trail on the ground for the servants to pick up and take away.

The Prince reached the physician's door on his way back. He stared at it for minutes, wondering whether or not he should ask that of Gaius.

An idea was rattling about his brain for days now, but Arthur had never been able to let it leave his tongue. It was pure madness, but it might save Merlin.

Arthur marched past Gaius's chambers, not in any kind of mood to see his beloved dying anyway. But the urge was pulling him back, he found himself unable to take more steps as he turned back and entered the room. He slowly opened the door, not wanting to startle the physician further.

"Arthur, I didn't expect to see you here."

Arthur sighed, brushing his hair back out of his eyes. "I came to see Merlin."

The physician nodded, gesturing to his door. Before Arthur could reach and turn the handle, Gaius spoke once more.

"Sire, may I ask that you are here to say your final words at last?"

Arthur turned back, giving the man one last glance.

"Never."

That's where he stands, and that's where he will always stand. He would never say goodbye.

Gaius sighed and turned his head back to what he was doing. The man continued chopping with shaky hands. "Would it be a waste of my time to convince you otherwise, sire? It is the time for acceptance and closure-"

"Spare me the lecture, Gaius." Arthur spoke, a little more harsh than he had intended.

He couldn't push Merlin out of his mind. He would never accept he was gone. He would do whatever it took to bring him back. Arthur climbed the few steps to Merlin's room and peered in through the door. All hopes of Merlin being awake where crushed as he saw him, lying pale and deathly still.

Arthur sat himself down in a familiar chair he had occupied for a while now. He reached out for Merlin's palm, and begun squeezing it slightly.

"Merlin if you can hear me, I want to tell you something." Arthur noticed the warmth that ran up his hand when locked in with Merlin's. It was comforting and brought his heartbeat up a notch at his manservant's touch. Something he couldn't explain, but everything felt so right. Every embrace, every word shared and every eye glance. It all left him feeling completed.

"No, I am not going to say goodbye. I am not giving up on you." Arthur sighed again. "I'm going to save you Merlin, I promise. I will do whatever it takes."

He rose from his position and kept his fingers tangled in Merlin's a little longer. Slowly he pulled them apart and retreated back to Gaius.

"You have always been a trusted friend Gaius. And now I need your help."

The man gestured for him to go ahead with his inquiries. Arthur took a few breaths, not believing what he was about to say.

"I want to know how I can heal Merlin. With magic."

Once those words had escaped his mind, Arthur felt his world crash and burn. He was considering breaking everything his father stood for, just for Merlin. He didn't believe himself at first, but then slowly grew used to how much Merlin meant to him. He knew the sacrifices he would make, the chances he would take to bring him back. Damning all consequences. Arthur was beginning to think he would let Camelot fall if it meant having him back in his grasp. It scared Arthur just how much he was willing to give up for this lanky manservant of his.

Gaius, however, was shocked with static. His jaw hung wide and his eyebrow was reaching for the stars.

"Sire, I'm telling you now there is no way you should go through with this." Gaius spoke with authority, stuttering a few words.

Arthur sighed, bringing a hand up to his head. "I can't live in a world with out Merlin."

Gaius protested. "It's against the law, Arthur! Your father would not be happy with you doing this!"

"I'm well aware of that, yes! But it is Merlin, wouldn't you be happy to see him back! Don't you want him back as desperately as I do!" Arthur screeched, keeping his voice from cracking.

The physician took a moments silence to bring all this new information in. He never answered the breaking down Prince.

"I killed him! I did! And I have to make things right! Now are you going to help me or not!" Arthur almost yelled it out across the chambers, no, not almost, he _did_ yell it out.

Gaius sighed. "No, I will not sire." He came towards Arthur and begun to comfort the trembling boy. "Arthur, you need to think. Calm down and think. You are in shock."

Arthur glared at him, and knocked the comforting hand off his shoulder and marched out, not sparing a second glance.

_What was he thinking? Magic, magic was evil. Those who practice the art are evil. What if using it would only endanger Merlin's life further? He had to think thoroughly. Look at where this was driving him. Losing Merlin was making him mad._

Arthur breathed. _Look what you are doing to me, Merlin._

He rested upon his bed, striking through the strands of his hair. He stared up at nothing, evaluating his choices. He felt a part of him disappear every drawing day of Merlin's...departure. Can he ever be whole again with out Merlin?

No. He reminded himself. He can't. Not when he put Merlin to his death sentence in the first place. Merlin didn't deserve this. He had only tried to help. If Arthur never hit him then things would be...fine. If the table was never placed in that spot things would be fine. If he had grabbed Merlin in time things would be fine. If he had never been angry things would be fine.

If he had never gone to the meeting, if his father never angered him...Arthur's heart boiled. It was all his father's fault. His fault for Merlin's death.

The man was a hypocrite, cared nothing that of his people. Gave up lives to keep his pride in check.

He found himself cursing at his father and intolerance to humiliation, then Arthur finally reached his senses. What was he doing?

He was blaming everyone and everything. No it had not been his fathers fault, it was his and his alone. His burden he is to carry for the rest of his life with out Merlin by his side. Every second longer after Merlin's death he had to be reminded of what he put the person he cared for most through. Forever he would have to stay and know the terrible, awful, guilt crushing thing that he had done.

A thought drew Arthur up from despair.

Maybe he didn't have to stay. Maybe he could leave, with Merlin...

Arthur shook his head vigorously. What was he thinking? No. No he could not just abandon Camelot like that. How utterly stupid that would be. Camelot needed a future King. He couldn't leave. By gods, he couldn't of been thinking of... gods. For a moment there he was willing to-

Arthur retrieved a goblet of water and pooled half of it on his hand. He splashed the cool liquid across his face, hoping to snap out of this mental illusion. He threw his head from side to side, freeing his mind of those dark, scary thoughts.

Arthur thrashed his head back, lurking into an oblivion of sleep. Sleep. That's what he needed. He was only growing tired. When he woke, he would be fine. He felt his consciousness ebbing away as he closed his eyes, letting the dark consume him.

* * *

He woke that morning, taking in the light that was stinging his pupils. The newly risen sun was setting above the cloudy mist of hills and painted the sky a pallet of pinks and oranges. Arthur usually admired this time of morning. It brought a new day for Camelot to be reborn into a golden age. Every new sun meant a new opportunity.

Now it pained him to see it. Every new sun was no longer another chance. Nothing was ever another chance. He rid himself of any chance of happiness.

He sighed, taking in the minty air and letting the breeze prick his skin.

When Arthur's eyes finally adjusted to the sunlight and his vision cleared, he felt thousands of jolts freeze him up.

Then what he saw left him breathless. At first he thought his eyes were blinded by his grief and he became delusional. Then he found himself gasping for breaths uncontrollably in sheer amazement. His eyes gleamed, happier than they've been for days.

"Merlin!"

He felt himself leaving his bed almost immediately and moving as fast as he could towards his servant. Arthur let his nose nuzzle in Merlin's shoulder, taking in every inch of his very much alive body. The warmth that joined his own skin was glorious. Arthur's mouth was stretched so wide in happiness he thought his gums would split. He held onto him tightly for what felt like an eternity. He had him. He had him back.

It felt too good to be true. Arthur untangled himself from Merlin, and pinched warily at his eyes, expecting this all to be some kind of sick twisted dream his mind conjured.

A wave of relief hit him at realizing this was all real, as real as it would get. The body in front of him was Merlin, and he was alive.

Arthur couldn't help but notice the scar upon Merlin's lip that reached halfway across his cheek. That would leave a mark. The guilt returned, but was crushed again with sheer delight. He reached out again at Merlin, arms tangling back around him craving more of his manservant.

The lanky boy leaped back, startled by his masters sudden embrace. When Arthur finally let go, Merlin brushed out his clothes until they were once again aligned and straight.

"I knew they where wrong. You came back. You don't know how good it is to see you again, Merlin!" Arthur smiled, letting his voice erupt his own emotions. He couldn't keep away from Merlin, and rested his hand on his servant's shoulder. The Prince hadn't questioned how he survived, by gods he was just happy to see the boy breathing! It was impossible, a miracle! But he was here!

"It is good to see you again too, sire. And I trust you slept well." Merlin formally approached him. All to soon he raced away, gathering a tray of food.

"Would you like breakfast, sire?" Merlin asked.

_Sire, sire, sire. _What's with all the sire? Arthur thought. Merlin's posture was too perfect for his liking, and he wasn't the same.

"Shouldn't you be resting Merlin? You only just woke up." Arthur questioned him.

"No, sire. I am well rested and ready to return to my normal duties. I have prepared your clothes for today." Merlin gestured to the freshly lain out clothes. "And if there is nothing else you would need me for at this moment sire, I shall like to excuse myself to tend to your armor."

This was nothing like Merlin. Nothing like the Merlin he had known and loved. His words stung.

"What are you doing Merlin? We are friends, you don't have to treat me like, well, like a Prince." Arthur felt his happiness drain from him ever so slightly.

"Sire, correct me if I am mistaken, but you are my master and I am _nothing_ but your servant."

Thump. Arthur's heart dropped.

"You had requested I showed you respect and who am I to disobey the commands of a noble. You had made that clear during our last meeting, do you not remember, sire?"

Thump. It sunk even lower.

"I shouldn't mean to upset you further, my lord. I apologize. It was wrong for me to ever think myself any more than your servant. Think of it now as an _awakening_ to where I really stand."

Thump. Arthur's heart stopped working.

What had he done? What had he done to him?

The emptiness returned, refilling the pit of despair.

"I will be on my way then, sire." Merlin bowed and exited his chambers.

Arthur's stomach swallowed his heart. He had to apologize. He had to go out and get to him.

What had he done?

* * *

Don't you love cliff hangers. Well sort of. Anyway, until next time!

_Next chapter:_ _Flinch_


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